#Anger iceberg pdf how to
#Anger iceberg pdf full

“You can think about the thoughts you are having and start to catch yourself when you are catastrophizing or overgeneralizing,” says Dr. Like, This person is out to get me, or Nothing ever goes my way. Plus, with a deeper understanding of your anger, you can challenge unhelpful or negative thought patterns and inaccurate beliefs that cause you to get angry more than you’d like. “You can explore what provocations you might unintentionally invite into your life.” For instance, is it time to unfollow your racist uncle on Facebook? Should you decline calls from your mom when you don’t have the emotional bandwidth to go on a guilt trip today? Can you make time for some de-stressing activity after work so that you can better shake the day off of you? “Once you understand those things, you can manage each of them in turn,” says Dr.

What feelings, beliefs, or values are involved in this situation?Īnswering these questions will usually give you a better view of the depths of your anger iceberg.

How did I interpret the thing that happened?.

What was the last thing that happened before I got real mad?.

So, how do you actually use this concept to figure out what you’re really mad about? Start by asking yourself a few questions (with zero judgment), like:

#Anger iceberg pdf full

“It may be more acceptable or easier to identify the angry feelings that result, versus understanding the full process.” “Oftentimes, complex emotions like betrayal or disappointment can be challenging to address and more difficult to process,” says Dr. “The anger iceberg can be very useful because it allows you to consider, 'What else is here? What else am I feeling? What happened prior to me becoming angry?’ When you take the time and look beneath the surface, you may be able to have better insight into the specifics that trigger an angry reaction,” says Alicia Hodge PsyD, a psychologist in Washington D.C, and expert on anxiety, perfectionism, and self-care.Ĭonsider all those times that you lashed out at someone when you were actually feeling hurt.

#Anger iceberg pdf how to

How to know what’s at the bottom of your anger iceberg “Emotions rarely happen in a vacuum,” says Dr. And while the anger iceberg shouldn’t be used to invalidate someone’s rage-y feels, it is a helpful reminder that there might be other feelings worth exploring too. So, yes, anger is a valid and complete response to something awful. “A lot of the time anger is the primary emotional response to experiencing injustice or having your goals blocked,” says Ryan Martin, PhD, an associate dean and professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay, and the author of Why We Get Mad. Other times, it’s legitimately the main character.

And your anger at all the social injustice you’re seeing on your newsfeed? OK, that might just come from valid feelings of, well, anger.Īnd that’s the tricky part: Sometimes anger is a secondary emotion that masks a primary one like hurt, shame, envy, sadness, or helplessness. Your rage about the flight delay making you late for your friend’s event may stem from feelings of helplessness and frustration. If the tip of the iceberg is your obvious and visible anger, it can be helpful to consider the whole mess of emotions that could be lurking just beneath the surface.įor instance, your anger about your boss calling out your mistake in front of other coworkers may stem from emotions like embarrassment or shame. But there’s a lot more iceberg hidden beneath the water. Think of an iceberg floating in the ocean. It’s widely attributed to the Gottman Institute, an organization of psychologists and researchers that focuses on couples, family, and interpersonal relationship therapy.

The anger iceberg is an analogy used to explain all the deeper emotions that can contribute to any particular bout of anger. That’s the thinking behind a psychological concept called the anger iceberg.

One of the best ways to get your anger under control is to understand what’s behind it. And when your anger is persistent and has nowhere to go, it can lead to some pretty nasty health issues and other stress-related side effects, which is why we don’t want to just let our anger stew and spiral. Of course, all that physical activation doesn’t really help you deal with your typical everyday stressors like Karen from accounting or politicians stripping away your rights. When you get angry, your sympathetic nervous system is activated, bringing on a fight-or-flight response, speeding up your heart rate, and leading to a surge of adrenaline that makes it easier for you to take physical action if needed. It’s a natural human emotion that actually serves an evolutionary purpose to protect us. Δ By subscribing to our email newsletter, you agree to and acknowledge that you have read our Privacy Policy and Terms and Conditions.Īnger gets a bad rap but it isn’t always bad.